Thursday, 14 January 2010

I'll be missing you...

I don't even know where to begin... I have never felt so down, I try to put on a brave face but inside I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken because I've lost a dear friend, heartbroken for her family, and heartbroken for all the things she will never get to do. As I write this, I am listening to I'll be missing you and tears are running down my face. These particular lyrics stand out above all others... "Till the day we meet again, In my heart is where I'll keep you friend. Memories give me the strength I need to proceed... Strength I need to believe."

Jessica died peacefully on Tuesday (12th Jan) with her family by her side. She was just 20 years old. I still can't believe that I am actually writing it, I don't think it has fully sank in yet. That I will never get to see her again, hear her voice or have a laugh together.

Jessica had received her long awaited double lung transplant a couple of weeks ago but the wait had been too long and her body wasn’t strong enough to cope. She had been awake following the operation, and was aware that she had her transplant; she got her dream that she had been waiting for 4 ½ years but she will not be able to live it due to major post transplant complications. I am pleased in a way that she was aware that she had had her transplant, she probably felt relieved and maybe even started thinking about thinks that she would be able to do in the future... I hope this gave her some comfort.

We became close during and after the filming of Battlefront and I will always treasure the memories I have of her, I am so proud to be able to call her my friend. We had plans together for when she got her call, things we would do...

She was going to come and visit me, I had already thought about where I would take her (shopping obviously) and what we would do. She said I could visit her anytime for walks and an ice-cream on the beach (I so wish we had lived closer I could have taken her up on this offer.) I told Jess that I would do the Hydroactive Addidas Challange this year with her when she got her new lungs, so I determined to do it this year (yes the whole 5k, maybe not running) in memory of her.

So many things left undone... I wanted to see her live her life, I wanted to see her without her oxygen on. I wanted to laugh till we cried (for the right reasons this time), I wanted to sample a whole cocktail menu with her... I wanted to dance till our feet felt like they were going to fall off... But this will never happen.

The world seems different right now, its lost a very special person. I walk past shoe shops, thinking which ones she would like... I hear songs on the radio that remind me of her, yesterday I heard Glorious by Natalie Imbruglia and today Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden...

Jess touched everyone’s lives that she came in contact with. Her death won’t be in vain; during her time waiting, she inspired thousands of people up and down the country through her campaigning, incredible attitude and passion for life.

Jess’ wait was just too long, and I intend to make her proud and continue my work with the campaign and the Charity Live Life Then Give Life, for which we were both advocates, to try and change the world of Organ Donation, so 3 people a day like Jess don’t die needlessly. If you do one thing today... please sign the Organ Donor Register in memory of Jess.

At 9pm Yesterday hundereds of people accross the country raised a glass to Jess, I set off a floating lantern... it looked beautiful floating up in the snowy sky with a message to her.

Of course my thoughts are with her family and everyone who knew her at this sad time.

“The stars that shine the brightest burn the fastest”.

Rest in peace beautiful lady... you can breathe easy now. Thinking of you every day & Love you always, Holly x

PS – I promise to be less of a kidney person now Jess x


  1. Rest In Peace Jess. Lovely blog Hol, has me in tears! I'm thinking that we could maybe get a few together and do some fund raising while doing the Hydroactive Addidas Challange in memory of Jess? :) x

    Love, as always, Sal x

  2. Holly, what you've written is beautiful... Your lantern is a lovely tribute to Jess. I'll join you for the Adidas Challenge in memory of our Jess


  3. Thanks for everything this week hun, yes we will definitely sort some fund raising out in memory of Jess... it's what she would have wanted :) x

  4. Beautiful blog post Holly. I'm in tears too. I never spoke to Jess face-to-face, but I'd heard so much about her through you, Emily and other mutual friends so felt like I knew her. And I was Jess' friend on Facebook so always tried to leave comments on her statuses to let her know she was in my thoughts.

    Your latern is lovely and it's great that Jess has left such an impression on and inspired so many people, she'll never be forgotten.

    Moll x x

  5. As a complete outsider to the world of transplants and anything hospital related..your blog has made me realise how lucky I am, you are truly an inspiration Holly, I wish you well for the future and I am sorry for your loss x

  6. I've never heard of Jessica Wales earlier. Came across your blog through her memory page on Facebook. It's a very touching text you have written. I very much regret your and her close and loved ones loss. Your text made me ralixe that I made av vital decision when I signed up as organ donor here in Sweden for 6 years ago. I want to thank you because you made me realize how important this decision is. It has inspired me. I wish you all happiness and prosperity in the future and hope more people become organ donors.
    / Annelie

  7. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You have written a beautiful and touching tribute to her. 'I'll be missing you' was at number one when my brother died. He'd had a heart and lung transplant and a couple of good years before he rejected. I wrote about him yesterday, after I heard about Jess, and put a link on my post for people to sign up to the organ donor register. x

  8. Holly, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. It may take some time for it to sink in.

    We lost our son James a month ago... Jessica's final tweet was on Dec.12, the day of our son's accident. James was our 2nd child, 1st of our four sons. He was 25. And it hasn't really sunk in yet. It's so hard to realize he's really gone. I keep expecting him to walk in the door.

    So give it time...


  9. So sorry to hear of your sons death Willena, there are no words. Take care of yourself

    Lv H x

  10. Well done Hols, I know how hard it was for you to write that, but really proud of you for finding the words and the courage to get it out there.

    Well done :-)

  11. so sorry for your loss Holly, Jess was an inspiring young lady and will be remembered always x

  12. at a loss for words right now.
    beautiful blog <3
    Breathe Easy Jess<3