I'll be missing you...

I don't even know where to begin... I have never felt so down, I try to put on a brave face but inside I'm heartbroken. Heartbroken because I've lost a dear friend, heartbroken for her family, and heartbroken for all the things she will never get to do. As I write this, I am listening to I'll be missing you and tears are running down my face. These particular lyrics stand out above all others... "Till the day we meet again, In my heart is where I'll keep you friend. Memories give me the strength I need to proceed... Strength I need to believe."

Jessica died peacefully on Tuesday (12th Jan) with her family by her side. She was just 20 years old. I still can't believe that I am actually writing it, I don't think it has fully sank in yet. That I will never get to see her again, hear her voice or have a laugh together.

Jessica had received her long awaited double lung transplant a couple of weeks ago but the wait had been too long and her body wasn’t strong enough to cope. She had been awake following the operation, and was aware that she had her transplant; she got her dream that she had been waiting for 4 ½ years but she will not be able to live it due to major post transplant complications. I am pleased in a way that she was aware that she had had her transplant, she probably felt relieved and maybe even started thinking about thinks that she would be able to do in the future... I hope this gave her some comfort.

We became close during and after the filming of Battlefront and I will always treasure the memories I have of her, I am so proud to be able to call her my friend. We had plans together for when she got her call, things we would do...

She was going to come and visit me, I had already thought about where I would take her (shopping obviously) and what we would do. She said I could visit her anytime for walks and an ice-cream on the beach (I so wish we had lived closer I could have taken her up on this offer.) I told Jess that I would do the Hydroactive Addidas Challange this year with her when she got her new lungs, so I determined to do it this year (yes the whole 5k, maybe not running) in memory of her.

So many things left undone... I wanted to see her live her life, I wanted to see her without her oxygen on. I wanted to laugh till we cried (for the right reasons this time), I wanted to sample a whole cocktail menu with her... I wanted to dance till our feet felt like they were going to fall off... But this will never happen.

The world seems different right now, its lost a very special person. I walk past shoe shops, thinking which ones she would like... I hear songs on the radio that remind me of her, yesterday I heard Glorious by Natalie Imbruglia and today Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden...

Jess touched everyone’s lives that she came in contact with. Her death won’t be in vain; during her time waiting, she inspired thousands of people up and down the country through her campaigning, incredible attitude and passion for life.

Jess’ wait was just too long, and I intend to make her proud and continue my work with the campaign and the Charity Live Life Then Give Life, for which we were both advocates, to try and change the world of Organ Donation, so 3 people a day like Jess don’t die needlessly. If you do one thing today... please sign the Organ Donor Register in memory of Jess.

At 9pm Yesterday hundereds of people accross the country raised a glass to Jess, I set off a floating lantern... it looked beautiful floating up in the snowy sky with a message to her.

Of course my thoughts are with her family and everyone who knew her at this sad time.

“The stars that shine the brightest burn the fastest”.

Rest in peace beautiful lady... you can breathe easy now. Thinking of you every day & Love you always, Holly x

PS – I promise to be less of a kidney person now Jess x